Nobel Prize Acceptance Speech

For a college physics assignment, I once set out to design an alternative to the Big Bang theory, not the television show, but the explosive origin of the universe. Our professor explained that an international organization had established strict criteria for such proposals: any student theory that met those standards and avoided the usual mathematical pitfalls would be added to a prestigious compendium of plausible explanations for how the universe began.

I believe these collegiate projects are necessary to keep international organizations off the streets and out of trouble.

I’m fairly certain my theory was published in the Journal of the International Society that year, if only because I cross‑checked every variable against their requirements with the kind of obsessive precision usually reserved for airlock maintenance aboard the International Space Station.

I never heard from the organization, but I did get an “A” in the course. So I’m convinced my theory is now gathering dust on a shelf somewhere, probably in that secret chamber buried beneath the paws of the Sphinx on the Giza Plateau.

I'm sure you've seen the Google video. According to 2025 INXS scans and radar surveys, there are undiscovered chambers and tunnels beneath the Great Sphinx, particularly near the right paw. Yet the site remains untouched, because the Egyptian Antiquities Office refuses to allow any disturbance.

Rumor has it that the refusal is a personal directive from Zahi Hawass. And I know why. Haili (my nickname for him) and I have been locked in a long‑standing feud ever since a remark I once made about Queen Hatshepsut. I’ve moved on, but Haili nurses a grudge with the tectonic weight of a pharaoh.

So my theory simply waits to be discovered, patiently biding its time until Egyptian Antiquities finally gets over the historic “relocation” of their treasures by European collectors and allows a proper investigation of those chambers.

When my paper is finally unearthed, a posthumous Nobel Prize in Physics is, of course, a mathematical certainty. To streamline things for the future committee, I’m already drafting my acceptance speech.

Stay tuned, and you’ll be the first in your neighborhood to read my speech on The Circular Journey. BTW, I've written about craving my very own Nobel on another post. You can read it here: Nobel Prize, Possibly?

If you live long enough to attend the Nobel ceremony, feel free to tell the people you meet there that you knew me. The fact that you don’t actually know me is irrelevant; human memory is a faulty holographic projection at best. Even when you aim for honesty, you’re not reporting the past; you’re simply replaying a glitchy simulation. 

Under those circumstances, lying won’t be any less accurate, and as sure as Isis loved Horus, it will be far more entertaining.

You might as well embellish it to make the story more entertaining. That’s what I do.