Cats Annonymous

"Good morning," said a lump of bedclothes from Ms Wonder's side of the bed. "Back already?"

"Yes back from a sublime meditation and ready for whatever life wants to bung my way," I said.

"Well, take a look in the bathroom," she said ignoring my embellishments to the conversation. "Sagi's gone off his nut again."

"Much?" I asked with keen interest for this Sagi M'Tesi interests me strangely. We have done more than one intervention to catapult this feline into recovery but he continues to have problems with the first step.

"He's spent the morning decorating the bathroom in toilet tissue confetti," she said.

"And do you have a suggestion for action that I should take or would you prefer to allow him to finish with his work?"

"I thought you might get him back on the wagon--in the Chang Mai room."

"A sound suggestion," I said. "I think I can manage that armed only with a pure and compassionate heart. I have always found this Sagi to be a reasonable cat when not under the influence of double-ply tissue. I have no doubt that even in his delirium we can reach some arrangement."

"Whatever," she said.

I adjusted the waist of my Thai fisherman's pants, before entering the salle de bain, for one should always strive to appear natty when entering the presence of a Sagi. I entered stealthily and found a sanguine cat resting his head on a bath mat, eyes closed, paws drawn up to his chin in quiet repose. A quick glance around and I put it all together for we Genomes are quick to build the story from the clues. Sherlock Holmes was much the same.

Finding himself in a room that is normally off-limits to him, his first thought was to get to the highest observation station. The space chosen was occupied by a largish paper shopping bag filled with toilet tissue and so something had to give.  Sagi enjoys a 14-pound advantage over the bag so it was no mystery that all 12 rolls of tissue had spilled out over the floor even to the far corners.

When the bag spilled toilet tissue across the tile, the limbic system of this Sagi was strongly stirred and he, no doubt, experienced a strong desire to sink his teeth into something soft and pliable. The emotional struggle would have been intense. He tried his best, I am sure, but eventually his will power was no match for the primal urge. I believe the Irish hero, Chuhulain suffered from these battle frenzies.

Before he knew it, he'd set to work with fang and claw to shred each and every roll of tissue and then throw the bits around in an intoxicated frenzy. The emotional energy was quickly drained, leaving him with only enough strength to soak the last few rolls in kitty drool. And here was the end result, his eyes closed in sleep, oblivious to the carnage he'd wrought. When I arrived, he'd just begun to snore.

Mine is a kindly soul and I saw no reason to leave him lying here on the floor. I picked him up and as consciousness returned the look on his face told me that a deep remorse for his actions had arisen. He licked my hand to ask forgiveness--just one more time.

Then to let him know that we love him even when we don't approve his ways, I spoke in a soft voice, "Awake, beloved! Awake, for morning in the bowl of night has flung the stone that stirs the stars to flight; and lo! the hunter of the East has caught the Sultan's turret in a noose of light."

Switching to a fatherly tone I said, "If I were you, Sagi,  and I offer the suggestion in the most cordial spirit of goodwill. I would use every effort to prevent this passion from growing upon me. I know you will say you can take it or leave it alone; that just one roll won't hurt, but can you stop at one? Isn't it the first roll that does all the damage?

You suffer I believe from a Napoleon complex, one that convinces you to think that will-power alone is enough to defeat demon tissue. You must rely on your allies. We are here to help you.

After tucking him into his favorite koozie, I returned to the bedroom where Ms Wonder was now up and about, moving like a Spanish galleon under full sail.

"Thank you," she said.

"Not at all," I said. "I feel a profound sense of peace somehow and this morning has brought inspiration. You know how we writers are. I think I'll push off and put a few words together to make a sentence. Who knows, by the end of the day, I may have a paragraph or two.