Happy Daze

I woke from the dream in that particular state of confusion that follows a deep Sunday afternoon nap, when you're not entirely sure what year it is, let alone what day. 

Untangling myself from the sheets, I stumbled to the window and looked out, checking to see if the world still made sense. The familiar sight of Wynd Horse in the driveway, along with the neighbor’s endlessly barking terrier, was reassuring. What a dream!

Thoughts of the dream continued to play out in my mind as I made the first coffee of the day. She had appeared at my driver's side window like a roller-skating carhop girl at a 1960s drive-up burger house. It was Princess Amy, of course.

"What the hell?" I thought. I knew I shouldn't have eaten those nachos.

"Have we somehow quantum jumped into Happy Days?" I asked. Remember, it was a dream, after all, and stranger things have happened, especially when fresh jalapenos are involved.

"I'm not happy about it myself," she said. "You think I enjoy roller skating in cut-off blue jeans? I'm going to be a reality TV queen; I must maintain some dignity."

"But I didn't make the choice to be here, you did," I shot back, and I meant it to sting. 

"What choice?" she demanded, "You made the decision to eat fast food--something you haven't done since 1979. What were you thinking?"

"Don't be ridiculous," I insisted. "Do you really think I was making decisions in 1979? I never made a single decision before January 12, 1991."

"Well, someone did, or we wouldn't have gotten to 1991 in the first place."

"So what is this then? Why am I parked in front of a Burger Barn, and why are you dressed like a carhop? Is this supposed to be The End you're always harping about?" I said. "Is it finally happening?"

"You're the one who keeps talking about the end," she said. "And what do you mean when you say, 'it's happening'? What's happening?"

"Judgement Day and all that," I said. 

I don't know why this conversation was taking place, even though it was a dream. As far as I could tell, it had no bearing on anything in my waking life. But then nothing seems to make sense in my dreams anymore.

"Don't be silly, Sherlock," Amy replied. "We seem to be in the 1960s, and we know that life on Earth continues until 2025. This isn't the end of anything."

"It's 2025 in another universe," I said. "We seem to have branched into a different and stranger universe. Apparently, we've become entangled in some wave function collapse, and now, here we are, trapped in a world where Ms. Wonder hasn't yet been born."

I felt a sudden onset of despair. "She's the stuff that makes life outside the Garden of Eden a paradise. Without her, anything might happen at any moment."

“There’s nothing we can do but wait it out,” Amy said, a note of desperation creeping into her voice. “If we can hang on, Wonder will eventually be born, grow up, and make everything right again.”

Then she gave me a look I’d never seen before—one of pure defeat and resignation. Even though it was just a dream, that look still haunts me as I write this.

“Yes, that’s true,” I replied. “But that’s years away, and anything could happen before she gains her full power.”

“You have a point,” Amy said, pausing dramatically. At last, she broke the silence.

“So, what can I get for you?”

“Sorry,” I replied, realizing I’d drifted off and missed something. “What did you say?”

Amy pulled an order pad from her back pocket and a number 2 pencil from behind her ear. “What would you like to eat?” she repeated.

“Are you kidding? You really think I can eat at a time like this?”

“Of course,” she replied confidently. Taking a deep breath, she managed a small smile at the corner of her mouth. “Remember the first rule of Fierce Qigong: No striving; let life unfold on its own terms.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks for the reminder,” I said, beginning to feel a little better myself. “I’ll have the cheeseburger, some fries, and a Pepsi.”

"Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi," she said with a grin.

When I woke, I realized that my dreams aren’t getting stranger—they’re just becoming more honest. Even in a quantum-shifted universe where Ms. Wonder hasn’t been born yet and Princess Amy is serving burgers on roller skates, one fundamental truth remains: when faced with the collapse of reality as we know it, humans still order the cheeseburger and fries.

Some things, apparently, transcend even wave function collapse. And yes, I have an obligation to my public to be completely forthcoming about that too."