I'm not saying that I contain the biological blueprint for human existence—that would be rather presumptuous, even for me. Think of it this way: The human genome contains genes that determine everything from eye color to the unfortunate tendency to worry about hurricane season in May. In much the same way, I've been informed by various celebrity 'Genes' whose combined influence resulted in the peculiar specimen that stands before you today.
Gene Autry (The Dominant Gene)
The "Singing Cowboy" represents my most influential genetic component, responsible for what Ms. Wonder diplomatically refers to as my "moral compass that points True North even when it isn't."
The "Singing Cowboy" represents my most influential genetic component, responsible for what Ms. Wonder diplomatically refers to as my "moral compass that points True North even when it isn't."
From Gene Autry comes my unwavering belief that one should never shoot first, always tell the truth, and help people in distress—even if that distress is bringing home a caffeinated latte when Ms. Wonder clearly asked for half-caf.
The Autry Gene accounts for my tendency to view the world in terms of good guys and bad guys, with very little gray area in between. It's the Gene Autry influence that genuinely surprises me when people don't follow the Cowboy Code, and it's probably why I still believe that most problems can be solved with a firm handshake and a willingness to do the right thing.
The singing aspect of this gene remained mercifully dormant, but that hasn't kept me from turning the volume up to eleven and belting like Bette.
The Autry Gene accounts for my tendency to view the world in terms of good guys and bad guys, with very little gray area in between. It's the Gene Autry influence that genuinely surprises me when people don't follow the Cowboy Code, and it's probably why I still believe that most problems can be solved with a firm handshake and a willingness to do the right thing.
The singing aspect of this gene remained mercifully dormant, but that hasn't kept me from turning the volume up to eleven and belting like Bette.
Gene Roddenberry (The Optimistic Futurist Gene)
The creator of Star Trek contributed the part of my genetic makeup that makes me think every disagreement can be resolved through thoughtful dialogue, that diversity makes us stronger, and that the future will be significantly better than the present. This gene also accounts for my tendency to see profound meaning in everyday encounters and my belief that we're all part of a larger, more meaningful narrative.
The downside is that I occasionally sound like I'm delivering a captain's log entry when discussing relatively simple matters, such as whether to add caramel truffle flavoring to my oatmilk latte.
Gene Wilder (The Anxious Creativity Gene)
The brilliant comedian and actor contributed the genetic component responsible for my vivid imagination, my ability to see humor in stressful situations, and my tendency to worry creatively about potential disasters.
The Gene Wilder influence manifests in my ability to find comedy in chaos, my appreciation for the absurd, and my talent for turning personal neuroses into entertainment. It's this gene that leads me to write The Circular Journey.
The brilliant comedian and actor contributed the genetic component responsible for my vivid imagination, my ability to see humor in stressful situations, and my tendency to worry creatively about potential disasters.
The Gene Wilder influence manifests in my ability to find comedy in chaos, my appreciation for the absurd, and my talent for turning personal neuroses into entertainment. It's this gene that leads me to write The Circular Journey.
Gene Tierney (The Elegance Gene)
The classic Hollywood actress contributed the component responsible for my appreciation of sophistication, beauty, and the finer things in life. This gene is responsible for my preference for well-crafted sentences and accounts for my belief that presentation matters almost as much as substance.
Her influence manifests in my tendency to see ordinary moments as potentially cinematic, and my belief that grace and dignity are always in fashion. It's this gene that makes me think that what you say is less important than how you say it.
The classic Hollywood actress contributed the component responsible for my appreciation of sophistication, beauty, and the finer things in life. This gene is responsible for my preference for well-crafted sentences and accounts for my belief that presentation matters almost as much as substance.
Her influence manifests in my tendency to see ordinary moments as potentially cinematic, and my belief that grace and dignity are always in fashion. It's this gene that makes me think that what you say is less important than how you say it.
Gene Kelly (The Grace Gene)
Now, before you begin laughing, hear me out. The Gene Kelly influence doesn't manifest in the ability to dance. No, my behavior on the dance floor has a striking resemblance to a startled giraffe. Rather, Mr. Kelly is responsible for my appreciation of elegance and my belief that life should have a certain choreographed quality to it.
It's the Gene Kelly in me that insists on making a Broadway production out of mundane activities—like grocery shopping or checking the weather.
Unfortunately, this gene also contributes to my unrealistic expectations, which leads to considerable frustration when reality refuses to follow my internal choreography.
Now, before you begin laughing, hear me out. The Gene Kelly influence doesn't manifest in the ability to dance. No, my behavior on the dance floor has a striking resemblance to a startled giraffe. Rather, Mr. Kelly is responsible for my appreciation of elegance and my belief that life should have a certain choreographed quality to it.
It's the Gene Kelly in me that insists on making a Broadway production out of mundane activities—like grocery shopping or checking the weather.
Unfortunately, this gene also contributes to my unrealistic expectations, which leads to considerable frustration when reality refuses to follow my internal choreography.
Gene Pitney (The Melodramatic Gene)
The singer known for emotionally intense ballads like "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance" contributed the genetic component responsible for my tendency to find profound emotional significance in relatively minor events. It's the reason I turn a simple trip to the hardware store into an epic journey of self-discovery.
It's the Gene Pitney influence that makes me feel deeply about things that others might dismiss as trivial, that turns everyday disappointments into tragic ballads.
This genetic component makes me genuinely empathetic and emotionally engaged with the world, but it also makes me sound like I'm narrating a soap opera when describing my day at the beach.
Gene Rayburn (The Conversational Gene)
The beloved game show host contributed the genetic component responsible for my love of wordplay, my ability to keep conversations flowing even when they're going nowhere in particular, and my genuine enjoyment of other people's company.
This genetic component also accounts for my tendency to treat casual conversations as if they were game shows, complete with dramatic pauses and the expectation that someone will eventually provide a clever punchline.
The Synthesized Genome
Like the human genome, these various genetic influences sometimes work in harmony and sometimes create interesting tensions. But somehow, they combine to create the particular specimen known as the Genome—a being who approaches life with cowboy ethics, choreographed expectations, starship optimism, cinematic appreciation, ballad-worthy emotion, comedic anxiety, and game show enthusiasm.
I should mention that none of these celebrity Genes actually contributed to my biological makeup. That would be both impossible and quite disturbing. But in terms of cultural DNA, well, that's a different sort of genetics entirely.
And considerably more entertaining than the cereal aisle, I might add.
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