You will remember from a previous post that yesterday morning I battled a large banner (a sort of flexible, vinyl sign) that had escaped its moorings and attacked me in the street near Brunswick Forest Boulevard. Of course, the story doesn't end there. Stories never do.
You will also remember that my morning salutations generally include a little qigong and taiji but never is there any reason for kung fu. However, yesterday morning, after the confrontation with the banner, that ancient martial art from the Wudang mountains of central China, did pop up, not unlike the way the demon king pops up from a trap door in a Thai water opera. And on this occasion, it was in front of the Lowe's Food's dairy case, of all places. I know!
Before coming back home, you see, I stopped at the grocers for milk. I was the only person in front of the dairy counter until Mutt and Jeff showed up. Now, those two characters were of the type that I call coastal yokels. I'm not going to explain that and I doubt you'll be able to find an explanation on Wikipedia. You can fill in the blanks or simply take it at face value.
Mutt and Jeff ignored me searching for lactose-free milk and walked right up to the glass doors of the display case until their noses were inches from the glass. After about a minute, Mutt held the door open with his shoulder and the two of them moved even closer to the milk cartons. They were involved in a conversation that went something like this--I can't do the dialect, of course:
"Mmbuhmum, babba, gum," said Jeff.
"Ah bema ambit boh," replied Mutt.
Princess Amy and I endured a minute or two of this drivel but she was becoming more anxious with each passing second. She began to hop about from one foot to the other and then began waving her hands about.
When she began shouting, Off with their heads! I tried calming her but the more I tried, the more belligerent she became. She opened a bottle of something that smelled pretty foul and poured it into my bloodstream.
Well, what was I to do? I had to act. I thought that if I let her see me take some action, even a smidgen, she might calm down long enough for me to work out the details in a reasonable manner. But the only chance this tactic had of working depended on my making it just a little righteous.
I said in a voice that, looking back on it now, was perhaps a little too loud and was phrased with a goodish bit of topspin, "Don't just stand there with the door open!"
The two gave me a startled look as though seeing me for the first time. They may have thought me the spirit of their deceased grandfather or other because they let the door close without a word.
I now had Amy's attention along with Mutt's and Jeff's, which made the whole thing much too awkward to stop now.
"Have you made your selection?" I demanded and I'll tell you why I chose those words. You see these coastal yokel types expect to hear something along the lines of, You found your milk yet? When they hear something like, Have you made your selection, they think they're in the presence of the elite. And the result of it all is, they don't like it. So I was rubbing it in a little.
Jeff looked at Mutt and they replied in unison, "No."
"Well, step back and let me get my milk, please. Then you can take all the time you want."
Now, I want you to know that I expected some pushback from the two. But having closed the door with no objection, they continued in the same vein and stepped back from the dairy case. This was too easy.
As I stepped up the door, I had second thoughts about the wisdom of having my back to them but my martial arts training told me that these two were not going to be trouble. Besides, turning my back completely implied that I considered them no more than the idle wind, which I respect not.
I retrieved my milk, closed the door, and gave them a stern look as I walked away. I believe if I had shouted, Drop and give me twenty, they would have complied.
Walking away, my conscience told me that this little episode represented a slip in my bipolar recovery, and I would have to make amends for it. But Princess Amy had stopped jumping around and her temperature was dropping from incandescent to moderate. She obviously approved of my handling of the situation.
My feelings of the whole shebang were a mixture of mild regret caused by my back-sliding and something close to being pretty damn full of myself. I've still got it! about summed up my guilty indulgence.
Let me be perfectly clear; I'm not recommending that you follow my example. I highly recommend that you follow the middle way as described by the Buddha. But no matter what choice you make, be true to yourself and be kind to others.