Let's Do It Again

"Ms Wonder," I said, "friends are like flowers."

"Very true," she said. "Georgia O'Keeffe said that to see a flower takes time, just as making friends takes time. She also said..."

"Yes, yes, yes," I said, "a wonderful woman, that O'Keeffe, and I can't wait to hear all about her. I'll bet you hold me spellbound with your stories, but later, please, when I have time to pay close attention to every word." 

I risked losing her sympathy by saying it, but I had no other choice. As I'm sure you know, Ms Wonder's fine art photography is inspired by the work of Ms. O'K and she--Poopsie I mean, not O'Keefe--can go on for days about her mentor.

"But are they worth risking eternal torment?" I said. "That is the question I ask myself."

"Pardon?" she said. "Are you talking to me or to that imaginary critic in your head?"

"Oh, you know what I mean, Poopsie. I'm talking about that referral business."

"No," she said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Ms Wonder," I said. "You simply must start paying closer attention to what's happening around you. Your life is slipping right by you unnoticed. Surely, you remember the referral arrangement with Emerald City. Mention someone's name and they get a $700.00 discount, and then Mom gets flowers every month for the entire year."

"I follow you so far," she said.

"Well, no one really referred us, did they? We just said someone referred us, so we could split the 700 green ones and get the flowers for Mom. That qualifies, unless I've forgotten the rules, as a blatant lie. Pardon me if that seems harsh, but the truth will out, even if it doesn't set you free. Running afoul of one or more of the rules carved in stone, if they were actually carved in stone, puts one in danger of eternal torment."

"Ah, I see now," she said. "You're wondering if $350.00 is worth eternal torment."

"I am not!" I said somewhat indignantly. "You must take immediacy into account when considering eternal torment. The money comes now, but no one knows when Judgement Day will come. No, it's not the money that concerns me. What I'm wondering is whether fresh flowers for Mom are worth eternal torment."

"Of course," she said, "I understand now. That is a complex issue."

"I'm going to ask them what kind of flowers. Carnations, definitely not. Roses, certainly. Anything in between, I'll have to think about."

"Good plan," she said. "Knowing you, I'm sure you can come up with one of your probability distribution formulas to help with the decision."

"Thank you, Poopsie. I've overlooked the fact that quantum physics always plays a part in this deterministic world we live in."

On hearing my words, she raised a brace of eyebrows, in much the same way the Memorial Bridge in Wilmington rises above the river to allow tall-masted ships to pass underneath. The two have nothing else in common, of course, and I mention it here only in passing.

 "It's true what everyone says about you," she mused. "That even though you have the mental prowess of a peahen, you do know how to get yours."

As it happens, I've never met a peahen and so couldn't assess the quality of the compliment, but when in doubt, assume the best is my motto.

"Thank you, Poopsie," I said.

"Not at all," she said.

Celtic New Year!

In the Brythonic tongue of Wales, my ancestral home, the term is Calan Gaeaf. It means the first day of winter but it has come to be recognized as the New Year. It was a beautiful Halloween, or Samhain if you ride the broom. The gates to Chadsford Hall open at 6:00 PM to receive whoever and whatever crosses through the veil from Otherworld. Ms. Wonder and I were ready. The candy cauldron was heaped up, pressed down, and running over. Let them come was our attitude.

I will mention parenthetically that we have no fear of the residents on the other side of the veil for we have been neighbors for years and know their children's names. And, last but not least, we have a full complement of cats and, as I mentioned in an earlier post, cats do not abide zombies. Zombies are to cats less than the dust beneath their chariot wheels.

As I said, we were ready. Yet, although the gates oped at 6:00, there were no spirits in sight on the High Street at 6:12. We were stumped. Wouldn't you be? Then Wonder's eyes opened wide and a smile played on her lips. I admit that her behavior interested me strangely.

"What?" I said.

"Fake it till you make it," was all she said but it was enough. She and I have spent years hanging out in the same secret societies and I knew exactly what she was getting at. We opened the front doors wide and carried the cauldron out to the front stoop where we sat and waited.

"It's a wide, windy world we're riding through, Billy Bob," I said as an invocation. I like invocations. Makes me feel like I'm doing something. But it wasn't the invocation, it was the boffo--the going outside to wait for the trick-or-treaters. It was just enough priming to get the crackle flowing. Siempre-bango! Just like that, the veil parted and High Street was filled with spirits.

There were witches and goblins, there were imps and ogres, there was a dragon pulled in a little red wagon followed by a were-lion and a were-catepillar. Fairy princesses, a UPS man, who must have been enchanted by a fairy dancing, and too many more to list here.

It was the most beautiful Halloween night in memory and it lasted until well into It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.

"Are we going to Jenny and Bill's to see how they made out?" Wonder asked when the last of the spirits returned to Otherworld.

"Hmmm, I think not," I said.

"But I thought you wanted to do that," she said.

"That was before I locked Bill in the handcuffs," I said.

"Excuse me," she said.

"He insisted on demonstrating that he could escape from handcuffs in less than a minute," I said. "So I handcuffed him, hands behind his back, and then he realized that the cuffs were not the cuffs he practiced with."

"So?" asked the Wonder.

"Well, he didn't have a key," I said.

"Poor, Jenny," she said. "But they have a full complement of cats, so I guess it's not as bad as it could be."

We both mused for several minutes. It grew darker.

"Life comes hard and fast," I said.